As some of you may have heard, I got beat up by a girl this week.
I was stalking the old bat as she watered the grass when I noticed Marge, the girl cat across the street, heading for one of my food bowls, which happens to be on the stoop of the house across the street. All of the humans in this neighborhood set out extra food bowls for me.
Like I said, I was ready to attack Lumber Legs when this girl started casing my dish. I trotted very carefully across the street, checking both ways and not stopping for a nap. Legend has it, Tripod, the down the street male, made that mistake. In the matter of 40 winks, he lost a leg and had to change his name from Quatro to Tripod.
Back to the bad day...It was just going to be a straight forward warning to stay away from my dish. My mind wasn't in the fight mode. I barely made it into the grass when the attack occurred. Never in my life have I ever been so viciously attacked. She was an animal.
Worst yet, the whole time, I could hear snickering coming from across the street. Snicker at me, lady? I left a couple of headless birds in the yard. And I bit her kids. Snicker all you want, lady—you didn't come face-to-face with the Genghis Khan of cats. Something was definitely the matter with that cat. She may be in Major League Baseball; a pitcher perhaps. Where is Jose Catseco when you need him?
I need a nap.
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1 comment:
dear bigbutt
i see that your last 2 entries were in the wee hours of morn. might i be so bold as to suggest bendadryl,ambien,or even good chaw on a poinsettia. all 3 work, but i recommend the plant for the most dramatic result. my other suggestion would be to pounce on lumber legs's abdomen or even scalp. she is sure to reward you with treats and a massage back to sleep.
good tidings
vile it (owner of the texas gypsies==aka "weenie dog")
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