Ah, humans are so ... predictable

Lesson Number One: Don't get angry. Make someone else REALLY angry instead. This will completely change your mood.

I live with four humans, three of whom like me. The eldest, who is also the grumpiest, left me indoors all day with Beatrice, a dog, and left for work. After I shredded the last loaf of bread, I made my way upstairs and left my frustrations on two areas of the hallway rug.

Upon returning home, the old lady found my hefty presents, woke me from my splendid sleep, and chased me in her haphazard, ogre-like fashion. She ran as if here flat feet were made out of concrete. I watched from the bottom of the stairs as she piled up paper towels and hoisted the gifts from the carpet. It looked like she had a furball trapped in her throat as the smell reached her soon-watering eyes. Classy dame.

In the matter of a brief nap, the carpet was cleaned and the hall smelled like a pine forest. I liked the smell so much, I crept into the basement and left two more gems at the base of the stairs. Then I shut my eyes just for a few moments, waiting.

I think I love this next part the most. Again with the yelling. Again with the ogre-like chasing. It was as if she had forgotten what had just happened. She may be dumber than the dog. Again with the paper towels and the gagging, and more yelling. This time, she cried a little, and then we finished it off with Pine-Sol. I need to eat a little more so I can try for round three.

If I could smile, I would.